Winter sunrise

Outside the coffee shop

On Friday, I decided to walk in the wind and rain to the bus to get to the coffee shop. I knew that otherwise I probably wouldn't make my step target for the day, since I was scheduled for a massage and needed to skip my usual aerobics class. This pretty winter's morning picture caught my eye and I snapped it with my cellphone. Since it's always with me, I sometimes get pictures I would otherwise miss. I am a fan of all the lights on the trees that my town puts up during the holidays. They will all be gone by the end of the month, and I'll miss them.

At this latitude, we are gaining more than a minute of daylight every day which, if you add it up, makes for ten minutes a week more light in the sky than we had on the darkest day of the season, December 21. We are in the midst of a mild and windy (and wet) period, but the temperature is supposed to fall and the rain will become snow in the High Country. That should make skiers happy; it's been a slow season so far.

This past week was one of plenty of body work: I saw the chiropractor on Monday, as I hoped; Tuesday was an acupuncture treatment, and Friday was a wonderful massage. My back is almost 100% better, with only an occasional residual twinge after having been in such pain for a week. I think the chiropractic adjustment was very helpful. I've now seen Russell Maxwell three or four times over the past decade, and he always helps with the sacroiliac joint pain. This latest time was no exception, and I smiled when he handed me the teddy bear to hold while he made the adjustment. Such a sweet little gesture and completely appropriate for patients like me who are a bit squeamish about the whole ordeal.

I am definitely still in a phase shift about posting on my other blog. In taking a break from my three-times-a-week schedule, I find that I'm truly needing to let myself be more spontaneous and not so rigid. I almost wrote a post out of duty yesterday, but somehow the day slipped by and it never got done. This morning I realize I feel relief but am still not liberated from the decade-long task I've set for myself. On Thursdays I always write about my Senior Trailblazer hike, so that's still happening, and I'm wondering why I don't just allow the rest of the week to flow naturally. Once I'm through this phase, it will be different, I just don't know how quite yet.

I have other blogging friends who are changing up their schedule or deciding how and when to post. One dear friend has stopped allowing comments on his posts, and I find myself feeling frustrated, because I want to communicate with him and cannot. To me, comments are an essential part of blogging; I can read what someone wrote and let them know what I think about it immediately, whether they live in Australia or just down the highway. The community aspect of blogging is part of what I love about it. Although I'll never see most of you in person, it's not an important aspect of our interaction. The sharing of one's daily life with me enriches my own immeasurably. And we are all so different! It makes me aware of how many ways there are to be in the world. Right now I am terrified for my Australian friend who lives in Canberra and is seeing her entire country go up in fire, with so many homes and lives lost, both human and animal. Somewhere I read that up to half a billion wildlife are probably gone, with no end in sight. Knowing my blogging friend makes the headlines personal. How I wish I could send her some of our rain!

Today I should finish a 720-page novel that has gripped me by the shoulders and won't let go. This is not a book I would recommend, but I care so much about the characters that the author has created that I cannot help but finish it. The book is A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara, and it's probably the saddest book I've ever read. Because I am so invested in the characters, I decided to read reviews of the book before finishing it, and I discovered what's yet to come. In a way, it helps me to know so that I can decide whether to just put the book down (which I won't, having gotten through 500 pages), or now that I am braced for the rest of it, lay it down once it's finished, having come to love all four main characters that Hanya created. I will soon be released from her world.

Today I'll also find some light and cheerful movie to stream as I come back into the other side of life, the happy and optimistic side. Yes, I know that life is complicated, it's certainly that way for most of us. I've dealt with loss, and perhaps that's why I know that the characters and the lives in the book are doing the best they can in horrific circumstances. In most cases, things get better with time, and there are always ways to cope with trauma, if one can make it through the hardest parts intact. I am praying for our glorious blue planet and hope that we can find the rich joy that is possible in our everyday lives.

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on. —Havelock Ellis

And with that quote, I leave you for yet another Sunday, looking forward to what the coming week will bring. As I listen to my dear partner sleeping next to me, I know that I am truly blessed, and on this day I will not forget to look around at everything and give thanks for all that I can hold onto, and let go. Until next week, dear friends, I wish you all good things.