With emotion levels peaking, and duty-free cigarette supplies running low, and wallet capacity slimming, i predict a very painful crisis arising. Rationing is no longer possible, and just the thought of it makes me itch for another smoke.
I've been battling my smoking addiction for years. Attempts to quit on so many shameful levels have just been demotivating and no longer spoken about due to its unlikeliness. But i've been trying to give it another go. Lets face it- i'm not getting any younger. (by god, is that even possible?!!)
Yes, as good as smoking is in the face of emotional adversity, i feel the effects of it wearing me down. Every smoker knows the terrible effects of smoking. Like me, i have the effects printed boldly on each cigarette pack; Gangrene, lung infections, premature babies, i've seen them all. Somehow we are immune to it. someone gives you that lecture you've heard a million times before, you smile politely and roll your eyes in your head. But then when you start to feel your health deteriorating and you realise your body is never going to be the same again, it starts to make you wonder if that temporary fix is worth any of it at all?
In that moment, you're determined...
...and the next craving comes, and all you can think about is the millions of reasons why you shouldn't quit. The mind works in very dangerous uncontrollable ways. Like any other addiction, there is no sense of logic or awareness. Just the sweet feeling of having that smoke roll down your throat and come out in a gush of beautiful sorrowful winds. i could almost hear myself whispering "i love you" as my body soothes into a calm.
I realize that i'm not strong enough to do this on my own.
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